If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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