she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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