My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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