and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
