the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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