but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
