plz talk dirty to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
