he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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