someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
