He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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