I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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