Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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