her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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