i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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