since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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