I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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