I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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