So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
