Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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