Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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