We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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