Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
