I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
