also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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