And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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