Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
