So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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