i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
