i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
