I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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