By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
