I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am one with the molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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