I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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