Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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