How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
