I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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