whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
