were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
