just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
