her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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