Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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