That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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