I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
