I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
