How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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