I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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