dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
did you just send me my own nude
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
