3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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