yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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