I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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