I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
