...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
