all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
