I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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