Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
