Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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