I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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