I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
