Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
