And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
