i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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