the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
