Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
barbara walters just said penis...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize