I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
