I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
