I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just high enough for therapy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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