Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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