FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
