can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
