one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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