I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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