so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I CAN MOONWALK!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
