Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
