Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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